By Kristy Lee Dickinson © | Wiradjuri
My name is Kristy Lee Dickinson and I am a proud Wiradjuri woman, I am the owner and creator of Haus of Dizzy & Mother of my beautiful Bubup ‘Ziggy Lee’ who is the love of my life.
I grew up in Sydney and now live in Melbourne.
My mum had me when she was 18 years old, I was born in Surry Hills women’s hospital.
I remember when I played with my barbies when I was little and I always pretended they were 19 years old, I don’t know why, I just wanted them to be that age??
Fast forward to when I was 19 and something happened that would change my whole life… my mum committed suicide…
She was only 38 years old.
I found myself heartbroken, lost, helpless and devastated… but I had to somehow put my feelings aside to look after my younger brother and sister who were also completely devastated and heartbroken.
Now here I am in 2019 living in Melbourne with no family, pregnant with my first child and alone… I had always wanted children but I never thought it would be like this, I was in love with my ex fiancé and we were together for 5 years and we tried to have kids but it never happened and we eventually went our separate ways. Weeks later heartbroken and confused I met someone and fell for them, a few months later I was pregnant and then later found out that person I fell for wasn’t very honest or loyal.
Being pregnant with no one to share it with wasn’t my plan but these things happen and luckily I have great friends and family that would help me through this.
Ziggy Lee Dickinson was born on March 7th 2020. Thanks to my midwife Paras and Ziggy’s God Mother Chontelle and a all natural labour with no drugs and no swear words lol…
However my placenta did get stuck and I had to go into surgery to remove it which was scarier than giving birth.
Leaving my baby after I just gave birth was terrifying and it scared the shit out of me… feelings of where will my baby go, where will he be taken, will he be there when I get back… rattled my brain.
I was in theatre for about 15 mins which felt forever and then waited in another room after surgery for about 45 mins with my waist down completely numb. My midwife finally wheeled my bed back up to my Bub and I got to be with him again. I was so happy! That night I spent with him and I couldn’t even sleep I was so excited and anxious that he was breathing and ok…
The next day we were allowed to go home and my very lovely friend gave us a lift home and we settled into his new home.
My dad and step mother came to visit and help me for a week, after they left we were in lockdown!
Being in isolation with a newborn became quite daunting, I was too scared to go to the shops so I ordered everything in. I actually thought I couldn’t get through it but I actually loved it. It was great just being Ziggy and I and I also didn’t have anyone saying I should be doing this or that. So it gave me space to navigate my own path through being a new mum. I love being a mother and I googled quite a lot but at the same time it all feels so natural to me.
Some of the laws have been lifted now in Victoria I was kind of hoping to stay in lockdown for a while longer! But now we can have visitors Ziggy loves it and I can’t wait to take him up to Wiradjuri Country and meet all his mob.
This piece is part of Blak Bloggers, a pilot program as part of YIRRAMBOI’s Resilience in Isolation, supporting First Nations to keep creative during physical-distancing.
If you are a First Nations creative experiencing physical distancing in isolation, we invite you to submit your content proposal. Contact our Associate Producer Rosie Kalina via firstname.lastname@example.org for further details and have your writing published by YIRRAMBOI. This is a pilot program and a paid opportunity.
Image credit: Supplied by Kristy Lee Dickinson.